It’s great when you’re getting to know a beautiful woman, who is looking for love and commitment. But what starts off well can become an obsessive and overly possessive relationship – and you may want to exit.  It’s true – in the beginning, obsession and love look a lot alike. But as your relationship grows, obsession may rear its ugly head and tear your relationship apart. She might claim that she was falling in love with you, but you think it’s just obsession.  How can you be sure?

Sign 1: She hates unanswered messages. It’s normal for couples to communicate on a regular basis. However, obsessive people want to monitor their partners 24/7. If you don’t respond to messages within minutes you could be accused of breaking her trust or not caring. You need to be respected.

Sign 2: She’s controlling and emotionally immature. Be careful when a woman’s behaviour is egocentric, unforgiving and irresponsible.  It might stem from her deep-rooted insecurities, and trust issues from previous relationships. But no love is going to occur if you feel constantly judged, unnecessarily. You need a partner, not a parent.

Sign 3: She expects your time and resources, whilst not being fully giving of her own. Loving partners should give as much as they take and take as much as they give. When either of these pieces falls out of place, love can quickly turn into an obsession. If you find the relationship to be incredibly demanding, then it’s probably simply not healthy for you.

Sign 4: The relationship is romanticised. She seems to want the kind of romance that only exists in stories and fantasies – the perfect man, the obedient servant, the faultless handsome dude who does everything without question and simply “gets her”. Unfortunately most men are not perfect, and can’t live up to such high expectations on an ongoing basis. It’s unnecessary pressure, and leads to yet more judging and negativity.

Sign 5: She makes you feel like you’re being controlled with guilt. If you’re made to feel bad about spending time with friends or family, or not allowed to talk to any other girl or give them your phone number to chat – even when that person is going through a hard time and just needs a shoulder – then this is a definite red flag. A partner should be the centre of your attention – but that’s not love. You need some space to live your own life too, not further restrictions.

Sign 6: You don’t feel loved. Despite being told you’re loved, you think she’s more in love with your public persona than with your personality.  If a woman is obsessed with your social power and reputation, you should run for the hills.  Entertainers call this “erotomania” – a common term for women who want to bed entertainers they’ve seen perform. But this is obsession, not love.

Sign 7: Promises aren’t always kept for you. “Let’s go away” – and then something happens the day before. “I’m going to do x with you” – and then x never occurs. It might not be deliberate, but it’s not a good sign. When I make promises I intend to keep them. Some women have trust issues – but when this happens to you over time you may develop trust issues too!

You should always be willing to sacrifice your time and put efforts in to improve your partnerships.  Be careful of a woman who complains to you about your small failings, but never seems to want to improve any faults of her own.  Those of you who know me know my thoughts here: “Drama comes, Dave goes”. Life is too short to put up with anything short of real love.