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Hey there, it’s your mate Dating Dave—and today we’re diving into the one thing we all do in relationships that no one seems to talk about properly: texting.

Now don’t laugh. I know it seems basic, but if you’ve ever sat there wondering why someone’s taking hours to reply, why you’re reading too much into an emoji, or why the spark fizzled out after a week of flirty banter, then you know texting is anything but simple.

In the world of modern dating, how you text can literally make or break the connection. Text too much, and you come off as clingy or intense. Text too little, and you seem cold or disinterested. So what’s the sweet spot? That beautiful middle ground where things feel exciting, but still relaxed and natural?

Let’s break it down.

First off—texting is not a relationship. It’s just a tool. A way to communicate. But the problem is, so many of us use it to try and build the connection, when really it should be used to support what’s already happening in real life.

Texting is great for checking in, sharing a laugh, planning your next date. It’s not where the depth comes from. That comes from actual time together—face to face, heart to heart. If you’re trying to get to know someone solely through messages, you’re going to hit a wall. Eventually the texts dry up, the spark fades, and you’re left wondering what went wrong. Usually, it’s not you. It’s the format.

So here’s rule number one: don’t try to substitute connection with conversation volume. You don’t need to be glued to your phone all day to prove you’re into someone. In fact, some of the best connections grow stronger when you give each other space between messages.

That brings me to the next point: timing matters. A lot of anxiety around texting comes from not knowing when to reply. Should you text back straight away? Wait an hour? Mirror their pace?

Here’s my take: be respectful, but don’t play games. If you’re in the middle of something, you don’t have to drop everything to reply. But also, don’t leave someone hanging for days just to “seem cool.” That’s not cool—it’s confusing. Most people just want consistency. You don’t need a strategy. You need honesty.

If they’re texting once a day, mirror that energy. If they’re dropping texts every hour, and you like that rhythm, join in. But if it starts feeling forced or draining, that’s your cue to pull back gently and recalibrate.

Tone is another biggie. Text can be misunderstood so easily. What you meant as playful might sound cold. What was sarcastic might read as rude. My tip? When in doubt, use emojis wisely—but don’t overdo them. A little smiley or wink can soften a message. But 47 fire emojis in a row? Mate, slow down.

Also, don’t be afraid to say what you mean. A simple, “I really enjoy chatting with you” goes a long way. You don’t have to be poetic—just sincere.

Now let’s talk about texting gaps. You’re getting along well with someone, then suddenly the messages slow down. Your brain starts spinning: “Are they losing interest? Did I say something wrong? Should I double text?”

Relax. People get busy. Phones die. Life happens. If you’ve gone a day or two without a message, it’s not always a red flag. But if it becomes a pattern—and you’re always the one initiating—it’s worth taking a step back. You shouldn’t have to chase. Interest should be mutual.

That said, double texting isn’t the end of the world. If you’ve sent a message and haven’t heard back in a couple days, it’s okay to follow up once with a casual, non-pressuring message. Something like, “Hey, how’s your week going?” If there’s still silence, leave it. You did your part.

Let’s be honest: some people just aren’t great texters. And that’s fine—as long as they’re good communicators in real life. But if texting is your main form of connection and they’re constantly vague, dry, or distant, that might be a sign you’re not on the same wavelength.

Now, for the fun part: keeping the spark alive through texts. Once you’ve gone on a few dates and the vibe is good, texting becomes a great way to build intimacy. Send voice notes. Share songs or memes that made you think of them. Tease a little. Flirt a little. Keep it light and personal. But don’t over-rely on it to maintain momentum.

My favourite kind of text? “Thinking of you—can’t wait to see you again.” Short, sweet, direct. That kind of message makes someone feel wanted without overwhelming them.

Also, consider your texting rhythm. If you’re waking up and sending ten messages before breakfast, it might feel like too much. If they’ve messaged three times and you’re replying with one-word answers, they might feel you’re not interested. Try to find a pace that works for both of you.

And please—don’t make important decisions or have arguments over text. If something’s bothering you, wait until you’re in person or at least on the phone. Texting isn’t the place for emotional nuance. Things escalate quickly, and misunderstandings multiply. A tone that might seem neutral in your head might come across as cold or passive-aggressive in writing.

If you really care about someone, respect them enough to have real conversations.

One last tip: don’t let texting become the whole relationship. I’ve seen people go for months texting daily without ever meeting up. That’s not dating—that’s a pen pal. If you want something real, you need to turn those messages into moments. Make plans. Take the chat offline.

At the end of the day, texting is just one part of the dating experience. It should enhance your connection, not create confusion. If you’re constantly unsure about where you stand based on someone’s replies—or lack thereof—it might be time to step back and ask what you need from the connection.

You deserve someone who’s excited to talk to you, not someone you’re chasing for a reply. You deserve a rhythm that feels natural, not exhausting.

So keep it low-key. Keep it honest. Keep it fun.

And if in doubt, put the phone down and go live your life. Because the best texts come from the best lives—not the other way around.

Until next time—text with clarity, flirt with style, and always leave a little mystery.

—Dating Dave