You’ve been in this loop before. She disappears for a bit, maybe weeks or months, then pops up again like nothing happened. A cute message. A “hey stranger.” A little flirty emoji. Just enough to get your hopes up. And every time, you think — maybe this time she’s serious. Maybe this time she’ll stay. But she never really does. The pattern repeats. You’re left in limbo, confused, frustrated, and a little bit heart-sore.

So what’s going on? Why does she keep coming back if she doesn’t actually want to be with you? Simple. You’re her safety net. You’re the one she reaches for when her world feels unstable, or her other options fall flat. You’re the warm energy she remembers when things are quiet or lonely. But when she feels in control again, she drifts. Because for her, you represent comfort — not commitment.

This might not be intentional. She might genuinely care about you, enjoy talking to you, and miss the emotional connection. But if she really wanted to be with you, she would’ve chosen to stay. People who want to build something don’t disappear. They show up. Consistently. Kindly. With clarity.

The hard part is admitting that you’re allowing it. That every time you reply, hoping this will be the time she’s different, you’re reinforcing the pattern. She learns, “I can go and come back whenever I want. He’ll still be there.” And each time she does, it chips away at your self-esteem. You start questioning your worth, your desirability, your sanity.

But here’s the Dating Dave truth bomb: people treat you how you allow them to. If she can come and go without consequence, you’re not just a backup — you’re complicit in your own confusion. You deserve better than being someone’s “just in case.” You deserve to be someone’s “hell yes.”

So what do you do? You draw the line. You don’t need to send a long dramatic message. Just decide for yourself — if she comes back again without genuine consistency, you don’t re-engage. You don’t bite. You wish her well in your head and move forward. That’s strength. That’s healing. That’s respect for your future self.

And if she ever does come back ready, truly ready, she’ll know it’s going to take effort to earn your trust. She’ll know you’re not the same guy who waited around. You’re the man who finally realised that half-hearted attention isn’t love — it’s a distraction.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is close the door that someone keeps walking in and out of. Not out of anger. But out of love — for you.