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Let’s be honest—dating apps are no longer just about finding “the one.” They’re also about killing boredom, feeding egos, and, in a surprisingly growing trend, feeding your stomach. Welcome to the world of strategic dating where a portion of users admit they go on dates just for the free food. Yes, it’s real. They’re swiping for steak, not soulmates.

This modern phenomenon has a name: the foodie call. Like a booty call, except instead of physical intimacy, the main desire is culinary. Swipe right, chat just enough to stay polite, secure a booking at a decent restaurant, and enjoy a nice meal—on someone else’s tab. Whether you call it cheeky, resourceful, or just plain rude, it’s happening more than people might want to admit.

You might think this is rare or reserved for the very bold, but recent studies and anecdotal evidence suggest otherwise. Some people, particularly younger singles struggling financially or dealing with food insecurity, see it as a low-risk way to eat well. Others simply enjoy the attention and luxury of a date night without any intent of building something deeper. It might sound like a dating horror story to some, but to others, it’s part of a new playbook for how people interact on apps.

Now before we all light the torches, let’s break this down with some nuance. If someone is lonely, struggling, or just plain curious, going on a date may genuinely be about more than food… at first. Sometimes we don’t know our own motivations until we’re already two courses in. And sometimes people just click less in person than they do online. But the big difference—the one that makes a foodie call problematic—is intention.

If you’re going into a date with no romantic or emotional interest at all and you know that, but you let the other person believe otherwise, you’re essentially engaging in a form of emotional bait-and-switch. It might not be illegal, but it’s not exactly respectful either. You’re treating someone’s time, hopes, and money as tools for your gain. That’s a power imbalance—and it rarely ends well.

So, what if you’re the one being used as the free-meal provider? First, don’t take it personally. The world of modern dating is full of grey areas. If you’re someone who enjoys paying and doesn’t mind the occasional date that goes nowhere, that’s completely your choice. But if you’re starting to feel like you’re being taken advantage of, there are some gentle ways to take back control.

Start with balance. If someone always suggests expensive places, never offers to split the bill, or avoids any talk about future plans, it may be worth raising your guard. Try suggesting a more casual, low-cost setting for the first meetup—like coffee or a walk. If they suddenly lose interest, you might’ve dodged a foodie call. And remember, the person you want to be with is someone who values your company more than your wallet.

But what about the people doing the foodie calling? Is it always selfish, or can there be something more human behind it? Some do it because they’re disillusioned with romance. Others might be testing waters, or even unaware of their own patterns. Not every foodie call is rooted in malice—some are just the by-product of dating app culture, where swipes are endless, commitment is rare, and motivation can get messy.

Still, it’s worth reflecting on the bigger question: what are you actually looking for when you swipe? Connection? Affection? Adventure? Validation? Or are you just trying to fill time, space, or hunger—literally or emotionally?

If you’ve ever found yourself on either side of this exchange, know that you’re not alone. These stories play out across Auckland, Christchurch, Dunedin, and every other place with a dating scene. But being mindful of your own patterns—and honest about your intentions—is what separates authentic dating from opportunistic grazing.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a nice dinner with a stranger. In fact, some of the best love stories start that way. But love built on false premises—whether financial or emotional—rarely grows into something fulfilling. So whether you’re swiping for fun or something serious, remember that your time is valuable, and so is theirs.

Transparency is sexy. Integrity is attractive. And knowing the difference between a romantic date and a free lunch is what will help you navigate modern dating with your dignity (and wallet) intact.

And hey, if all else fails—maybe next time, just order takeaways and swipe from home.