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We’ve all seen them—screenshots of outrageous, cringe-worthy, or downright confusing dating app messages making the rounds online. “Are you my future ex-wife?” “I’ll bring the whipped cream if you bring the drama.” Or my personal favourite: “You look like you’d ruin my life in a good way.” Sometimes they’re hilarious. Sometimes they’re a little terrifying. And sometimes, if we’re honest, they’re a little too familiar.

Welcome to the modern dating app circus—where boldness is often mistaken for charm, and being memorable sometimes overrides being respectful. But here’s the truth that gets lost in the chaos: standing out doesn’t mean being shocking. It means being real. It means being thoughtful. And in a world of unhinged openers and tired pick-up lines, genuine connection is now the most attractive flex of all.

Let’s talk about what actually works. You don’t need to open with poetry or philosophy. But starting with “Hey” or “U up?” is basically sending an invitation to the Island of Boredom. If you want to stand out, lead with curiosity. Mention something specific from their profile. “I noticed you love old-school R&B—favourite slow jam?” Or: “I see you’ve been to Queenstown—what was your must-do moment there?” These aren’t magic lines. But they start conversations. They show interest beyond appearance.

Too many people treat dating apps like vending machines. Swipe, match, snack. But people aren’t snacks. They’re complex. They’re carrying stories and hopes and insecurities. If you come in trying to be overly clever or fake-confident, you might get a response—but it probably won’t go anywhere meaningful. And if you open with sexual innuendo or a weird flex about your crypto portfolio? You’re not standing out. You’re standing alone.

The key is tone. Be confident, not cocky. Be playful, not pervy. Be engaging, not overwhelming. A little humour goes a long way—but only if it lands. And if it doesn’t? Don’t double down with desperation. Move on with grace.

Let’s also address the obsession with instant chemistry. Too many people swipe through dozens of matches expecting fireworks in the first few messages. But guess what? Chemistry often needs more than three emojis and a GIF to spark. The goal isn’t to make someone fall in love with your opener. The goal is to open a door. Walk through it. See if the room feels good. Then keep walking together—or politely exit.

I often get asked, “What should I say when they don’t respond?” Here’s the answer: nothing. If someone doesn’t reply to your thoughtful, respectful opener, let it go. Don’t follow up with a guilt trip. Don’t fire off, “Guess you’re not into decent guys!” That’s not confidence—it’s entitlement. The best way to stand out is to show emotional maturity. Be the rare person who doesn’t take rejection personally. That’s incredibly attractive.

And now let me say something to the ladies, too. You don’t have to wait for the guy to message first. You don’t have to overthink every word. A simple “Hey, I liked what you said about loving bad 90s movies—what’s your favourite?” can be the spark that starts something real. You’re not chasing. You’re showing interest. That’s power.

Here’s another mistake people make: trying to be someone else. They see what’s popular in screenshots or try to copy flirty lines that “work” online. But most of those viral messages go viral because they’re absurd, not because they’re successful. You don’t need to be outrageous. You need to be yourself, just slightly elevated. Think: your best, most relaxed coffee shop energy—not your interview mode or your party persona.

Want a Dating Dave secret? The most irresistible message you can send is one that makes the other person feel seen. Not flattered. Seen. Compliment their vibe, not their looks. Acknowledge their interests, not their filter. Ask questions that open windows instead of walls. That’s how you go from match to momentum.

Another tip? Don’t be afraid to leave the app quickly. Not like “come over now” quickly—but once you’ve established a rhythm, suggest a phone call or quick video chat. Keep it safe, keep it respectful, but also keep it real. People often build imaginary versions of each other through text. That’s where disappointment breeds. A short call clears the fog. You get the tone, the energy, the rhythm of someone’s voice—and that alone can save you weeks of pointless chatting.

If you want to level up your app game, start by rewriting your own profile. Strip out the generic lines like “Love travel and food” or “Down for adventures.” Everyone loves travel and food. Be specific. Say, “I make a legendary carbonara and I’m oddly passionate about local ghost tours.” Now you’re giving someone something to respond to.

Let’s also stop pretending we’re too cool to care. I hear it all the time—“I don’t even care about dating apps, I just use them when I’m bored.” But the truth is, most of us are craving something real. Acting aloof doesn’t protect you. It just creates more noise. If you’re looking for connection, say so. Own it. Be intentional. That’s rare. That’s hot.

And finally, let’s retire the idea that dating apps are doomed or broken. They’re not. They’re just mirrors. If you’re using them in a shallow way, you’ll attract shallow connections. If you’re using them thoughtfully, you’ll attract depth. Not instantly. Not perfectly. But eventually.

So next time you’re tempted to send that weird line you saw go viral—pause. Ask yourself: “Would I want to receive this?” If the answer is no, go back to the basics. Be kind. Be curious. Be real. It’s not about shock value. It’s about soul value.

– Dating Dave