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Let’s talk straight, because I reckon someone out there needs to hear this loud and clear: if someone keeps you around but never fully commits, there’s a good chance you’re not their Plan A. You’re the safety net. The “just in case.” And mate, you’re worth a whole lot more than being someone’s backup.

You know the signs. They don’t make solid plans unless nothing better comes up. They’re hot and cold—some days all over you, other days MIA. They message when they’re bored, lonely, or feeling down… but not when things are going great. They drop crumbs of attention just enough to keep you hopeful, but never a real meal.

Sound familiar? That’s not love. That’s convenience. That’s comfort. That’s them treating you like a life jacket—something to hold onto until the waters calm or they find a shinier boat.

Now before you start blaming yourself, let me stop you right there. This isn’t about your worth. People who string others along often do it out of their own insecurity or selfishness. It’s not your job to convince them you deserve more. It’s their job to realise it—and if they don’t, walk.

It might feel flattering at first when someone keeps checking in, sliding into your DMs, saying they “miss you” even though they disappeared for a week. But what you’re getting isn’t consistency—it’s a trap. A loop of hope and disappointment. A cycle that drains your energy and stalls your own journey toward real love.

So what can you do?

Firstly, be honest with yourself. If you’re always the one waiting, always the one making an effort, always the one forgiving the lack of clarity—it’s time to face facts. You’re not their priority. You’re their option.

And options aren’t relationships.

Secondly, set a boundary. I know, it’s hard. Especially if part of you still clings to the “what if.” But love shouldn’t be a gamble where you’re always on the losing end. Tell them straight: “If you’re not all in, I’m all out.” And mean it.

Because when you stop accepting breadcrumbs, you make space for someone who’ll bring the whole bakery. Someone who doesn’t message you just because they’re lonely on a Friday night, but because they’ve been thinking about you all week. Someone who sees you, chooses you, and doesn’t keep you on standby while they shop around.

Letting go of someone who gives you just enough to stay but not enough to grow is tough. It stings. But it’s also the most freeing thing you’ll ever do. You get your power back. You stop waiting by the phone. You stop twisting yourself into a version they might want. You start showing up for you.

You’re not here to be someone’s “just in case.” You’re not a placeholder. You’re the main character in your own story, and anyone who wants a place in your life better treat you like it.

So next time someone circles back after disappearing, next time they drop that “hey you” text out of the blue, ask yourself: do I want to be Plan B? Or do I want real love, real respect, and real connection?

If you want the real thing, you’ve got to stop settling for half-hearted maybes.

Remember this, from your mate Dating Dave: you were never made to be somebody’s option. You’re a damn catch. And the right one will never put you on hold.

—Dating Dave