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Hey there, it’s your friend Dating Dave—back with a truth bomb for anyone tired of dating that goes nowhere. You know what I’m talking about. You match with someone, it’s all flirty banter, maybe a date or two, a kiss goodnight, and then a few weeks later, it fizzles. Or worse—it implodes when you realise you want completely different things out of life. One of you wants kids, the other doesn’t. One of you’s still couch-surfing and doesn’t believe in credit cards, while the other’s saving for their second property. Sound familiar?

Well here’s the thing. In 2025, people are finally waking up to the idea that asking serious questions early on isn’t just okay—it’s smart. And it’s not just us older daters feeling this. A recent Bumble survey showed that over 70% of singles are now looking for “values-based compatibility.” That’s a fancy way of saying people want to align on the big stuff—money, morals, mental health, goals—before they get emotionally entangled. And I say it’s about time.

We’ve been told for years that it’s too heavy to talk about money on a first or second date. That you should wait to ask about values until things get serious. But the dating world is evolving, and the rules are shifting. These days, people are less interested in whether you love dogs or drink oat milk and more interested in whether your life is moving in a compatible direction.

Let’s be honest—romantic attraction is important, but long-term compatibility is built on how you handle life’s tough stuff. Things like how you manage money, what kind of lifestyle you want, how you deal with conflict, whether you want marriage, kids, travel, community, religion, or none of the above. These are not third-date topics anymore. They’re first-round conversations—because if the answers don’t line up, it’s better to know early than to waste time forcing something that was never going to work.

So how do you bring this up without sounding like you’re conducting a job interview? It’s all about tone, timing, and being a bit cheeky with your delivery. You don’t need to ask “how much do you earn?” or “do you have a five-year financial plan?” Instead, you can say things like “I’ve been thinking about long-term stuff more lately—are you someone who likes to plan ahead, or more go-with-the-flow?” That one question can open up a massive insight into how someone sees the world. Or you could say, “What’s something you’d like to have sorted in your life in the next two years?” and watch where the conversation goes.

Money, in particular, is a make-or-break topic for many relationships. Not because love isn’t stronger than money, but because financial stress ruins love faster than anything. If you’re a saver and they’re a spender, or if you’re into shared accounts and they want total financial independence, you need to know that early. Otherwise, you’re just delaying a big reality check.

I’ve seen couples implode not because they didn’t care about each other, but because they didn’t speak the same language when it came to finances or values. They fell in love on vibes but built no foundation. And in the real world, that’s like building a house on sand.

Now don’t get me wrong—there’s still room for chemistry, laughter, spontaneity. I’m not suggesting you walk into a date with a clipboard and a checklist. But you do need to approach dating like your time matters. Because it does. You don’t want to be months into something with someone who turns out to be wildly incompatible just because you were too polite to talk about the real stuff up front.

The cool part is, asking about values early is no longer seen as desperate or intense. It’s becoming a mark of emotional maturity. It shows you’re intentional, thoughtful, and you’ve done some work on yourself. It tells your date that you respect their time and yours—and you’re not here to play games or pretend everything’s fine when it’s not.

Even dating apps are starting to catch on. You’ll notice more people list their political views, their stances on kids, their openness to therapy, and their financial priorities right on their profiles. It’s not because people have become rigid—it’s because they’re done wasting time with someone who fundamentally lives by a different compass. Compatibility is the new sexy.

Now I know what you might be thinking—what if I scare someone off by being too upfront? What if asking serious questions makes me look like I’m rushing? But think of it this way—if someone bails on you because you asked about values or finances early, they’ve done you a favour. They were never ready to meet you on that level anyway. You don’t need more people who like your photos—you need someone who’s willing to share a life with you, on purpose.

One of my favourite questions to ask on a first date is this: “What does a good life look like for you?” It’s open-ended, it’s honest, and it gives you everything you need to know. If their version of a good life includes things you want too, that’s green flag territory. If it’s completely different—well, better to find out now than six months in.

There’s no shame in being clear about what you value. Whether it’s financial stability, shared spirituality, health priorities, or wanting to raise kids a certain way—put it on the table. Not all at once. Not in a lecture. But gently, honestly, and early enough to make decisions that honour your future.

At the end of the day, dating isn’t just about finding someone you can laugh with over coffee. It’s about finding someone you can walk through the hard bits of life with. Someone who’s on your team when times get tough. Someone who doesn’t just understand your values—but shares them. That kind of connection doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when you date with intention.

So here’s to future-proofing love. To being brave enough to ask the questions that matter. To letting go of the fear of being “too much,” and stepping boldly into the kind of relationship that lasts because it’s built on truth, not fantasy.

Until next time, keep dating smart and loving honest.

—Dating Dave